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Blue Marble Review

Literary Journal for Young Writers

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My Therapist Wants to Know How I Do in the Mornings

By Mayowa Oyewale

after Tiana Clark

 

“I”?

I founder.

I fall from the sky of dream. I grab

bedsheets like they are

parachutes. I gasp. I gasp nightmare

into dawn. I thrash about in blue dark,

scramble for my phone. I can’t write

on paper. I write what I remember

on a notebook app — most times, I remember

nothing. For a long time, I close my eyes &

hope for memory. For a long time,

time passes.

In a next room, my

mother is yelling at God

in her sleep. I close my ears & open

my eyes to light feeding the curtains.

I open my mind to the moment &

the movement of myself.

I wrestle between being broken & being

torn. I turn off airplane mode &

messages pour. Angry

WhatsApp messages. Preaching WhatsApp messages.

E-mails. I skip the

unfortunatelys. I read. I read.

I highlight Tranströmer: I’m awake and don’t know where I am.

I envy that [his] life finally returns, envy

any name that appears like an

angel. I sprawl. I spread

into a pool & ponder. I ponder.

I wonder why some hands can hold hope

when some cannot even hold themselves. I curse

inward.

I write sgshjsnsnshdhdbbd.

I cross out sgshjsnsnshdhdbbd.

Bach. The Art of Fugue. I lie

on the bed, I sup the song.

I haven’t spoken yet, can go

a whole month without a mouth.

In the bathroom, I sing.

Hymn until lather fills my mouth. Here, I mourn

the morning before the bird. I know this morning like

I have known all mornings. I, too, like

how they look like hope. But God,

I hoard too much night.

 

 

Mayowa Oyewale writes poetry from Ile-Ife, Nigeria, where he currently studies Literature-in-English at Obafemi Awolowo University. A poetry reader at Chestnut Review, he Instagrams @mayowaoyewale__

Filed Under: Poetry Tagged With: July 2021

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