Pills line my dresser
Like tallies in a prison cell
Plastered on the walls
Counting down the days until liberation.
I organize my pills into neat rows and columns
Just another one of my OCD perks
Except the only one that is cute is my cleanliness
Apparently my disorder can be picked apart by Notes and Retweets-
You clicked the share button.
I shake up each bottle
A melancholy melody to accompany my broken-record thoughts
I wash my hands over and over in the fiery breath of scorching water at the thought of you
As red skin peels off
Like my clothes did that time in your bed
I guess I was too much to handle for more than one night.
My favorite pill is the one that looks like an atomic bomb
But whose name still sounds less foreign than yours when it rolls off my tongue.
My raw hands glide across the wondrous curves of the child lock cap I twist
Would you appreciate my body as much as this?
My hand fits better with the pill bottle than it did with yours.
Saliva embraces the pill as I gently slide it in the back of my throat
A euphoric reunion
How nice it is to be this close to something that will not push me away
That will not slam doors in my face or treat me like an experiment.
My fingers gingerly caress each tiny body
As I dump the remaining pills in my hand
They dance across the crosshatches of my palms and scars on my wrists
Softer than any kiss I’ve ever received.
A smile warped with incredible pain and a feeling I cannot yet detect
Crawls across my face
When I realize that
This is the most intimate experience
I’ve ever had.
Linzy is a junior at Westfield High School in New Jersey. When she isn’t reading or writing, she enjoys embracing her inner nerd by reciting over a hundred digits of pi to anyone willing (and even unwilling) to listen. She is an active member of her school’s all female FIRST robotics team and a fierce environmental advocate. Armed with an ardent pen and the power of caffeine, she knows she can take on the world.