dear abba,
enclosed find two weeks pay.
i’d rather you didn’t ask how i got it.
please don’t be mad.
dear abba,
it’s raining today. do you like the rain?
i like the rain. sometimes the sound
reminds me of you. cht. cht. cht.
dear abba,
i saw a car drive off a bridge and
got jealous of the passengers. have you
ever wanted to be an emergency?
dear abba,
enclosed find two weeks pay.
thank you for not asking how i got it.
i appreciate that. really.
dear abba,
i was playing poker half asleep.
i gambled myself on a straight flush
and lost. unlucky, i guess.
dear abba,
i’m sorry if my handwriting’s been messy.
my wrists are just a little sore.
i wish antiseptic didn’t sting so much.
dear abba,
enclosed find two weeks pay.
i think you know how i got it now
but still, don’t ask. please.
dear abba,
i still like to exhale gray clouds
on park benches at night
and watch them rise with the embers.
dear abba,
i just want you to know i’ve been trying
to forgive myself for what you did.
is that okay? i hope so.
dear abba,
enclosed find two weeks pay.
i think this will be the last one because
i just can’t do this anymore. sorry.
dear abba,
can you call me sweetheart again?
you only did it once, but i still
remember. you meant it, right?
dear abba,
it still hurts, just not in the way it used to.
was it really for my own good? you can say
no. i won’t be mad.
dear abba,
enclosed find everything.
i love you, by the way. always.
you don’t need to respond
Mikul Adaval Wyer (he/him) is an Indian-American writer born in Hong Kong and currently living in Cincinnati, Ohio. He edits for Abstract Magazine TV and Mollusk Literary Magazine, and is working on a play, a novel, and a poetry chapbook. On the rare occasions he is blessed with free time, he regresses into his inner theatre kid and begins singing extremely loudly and without care. You can find him on Instagram at @mikulwyer.